The Vintage Shop

November is Women's Appreciation Month

2005-11-08T07:45:00.000-08:00

I feel that since November is my month of birth, I wanted to celebrate it doing my favorite thing! APPRECIATING WOMEN! I hope that you all don't mistake this as an issue of sexuality. IT MOST CERTAINLY IS NOT!
In my attempt to show my appreciation, I tried to select the most tasteful, tactful and beautiful women I could think of this early in the morning...wait...its' almost noon....anywho, here they are for you to continue to enjoy.
P.S. Don't mind my commentary....lol!

Sis. Rosa L. Parks - We Keep it soooo Gansta in the "D"! Whatcha know bout dat?Aaliyah - the late and the great....again....its just summin' bout the "D"! We know how to make'em.

Ms. Keys - If you know ME, you already know.......smh...lol!

Mya - In my honest opinion, she is under-rated! I think she is an all around performer, I love her!

Angela Bassett - She makes 40 summin' look soo good...can I be like her when I grow up?

The Dynamic Tina Turner - IF I WERE IKE I'D BE KICKING MY OWN ASS RIGHT NOW!

M.C. L-Y, L-Y-T-E - I wanted to be like her when I was B-girlin' it. A female controling the mic is S-E-X-Y!

Eva Mendez - I'm feelin' her, she is down for the brothas in all her flicks and she ES MORENA!

Gabrielle Union - Ladies and gentlemen, the original G-UNIT!

Jada Pinkett-Smith - She's adrogenous, she's gansta, she's feminine, she's smart, talented and gorgeous, Damn, and a throwback for me!

Melyssa Ford - She is Canadian....Big Up Canada! You know they call her the Black Jessica Rabbit..u see Y.

Rosario Dawson - Ummmm, Bordiqua! She is a so mysterious and versitile...catch her in RE.NT!

Well, I hope you enjoyed my picks for the week! I had some friends I wanted to post but they wouldn't have it and my mommy said she too fly for that! Keep watching, theres more to come!

Some Ol' Stuff

2005-10-13T12:44:00.000-07:00

I was looking back on an old blog I had before meeting you crazy folks and it reminded me of movement. Am I making any? Also, since I don't have much to share with the world right now. Here's what I had that you good folks never knew about. Happy reading.

Thursday, January 13, 2005
Commitment
i have issues with commitment. i find that i have a really hard time setting myself to one thing/ person/ look/ tasks. i have noticed that even my selection of friends is really based on having a small group of friends, each one offering some quality that the other doesn't have. wouldn't it just be easier; wouldn't i save money on hallmark cards if i just had a couple of all inclusive packaged friends...lol. If any of you all are reading this, that last line was a joke. I like variety is that so wrong.Last night, I was telling my mom about a guy friend of ours from church who has decided to man up and get married! She said, and i quote, " it's about time he settled down...and you too!"Okay, that was only irritating because first, it's hard to find anyone who can have a whole conversation. second, where do I go to meet anyone with potential? Im tired of going backwards towards the men I have already dealt with. that was a big mistake, i.e. Tenn. i am just waiting patiently for God to show him to me, whoever he is. God, please don't let him be dull and just a little sexy!i still haven't heard from the state job yet. losing patience.
posted by Ell Ess @ 6:53 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Chanting My Mantra
Where are my fruits?I have been working like a dog since I was 17 years old and I often feel as if I don't have anything to show for it. I guess that on the flip side of that, I am only 28 and have plenty of time to sow and reap some career and financial benefits. Im getting some financial advising from a friend with that expertise and I plan to invest in the near future. I will be posting on that as I experience it. Im trying to sharpen my business sense, so I subscribe to Black Enterprise magazine. It has a lot of helpful info and gives some profitable advise. I haven't written any poetry in a while. I write the best when I am loving, as it stands, I am not.Hoping, wishing and praying that I get this job in Lansing! I need a pay increase in my life and a change of pace as well.
a poem trapped in my mindtrapped
in blotches of events
in my lifethat have no stories
just little antecdotes.
a poem is behind my eyes.
staring, wanting
to jump out but held
back by my tongue,
safeguarded by my teeth.
hidden behind my lips,
tightly sealing in secrets.
a poem aborted
by my mind lost
in blotches of events
in my life that happened
with no living proof.

posted by Ell Ess @ 9:01 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, January 11, 2005

This first day.
This being the first day of entry, I guess I want to be fully honest with the reader. Thus making all other entries valid. I haven't been excited by anything since moving out of Brooklyn. Everything is very routine or mundane. I have been keeping busy as best I can. I have obtained this underpaying job, Lord knows Im not trying to complain. It's just boring and I need some sort of excitment. I need some stimulation. I MISS NEW YORK, UUUGGGHHHH! 2004 wasn't too bad to me (with the exception of that New York thing) and 2005 is looking better. I learned in 2004 to crawl before I walk. That is really hard for a visionary such as myself. I just see myself doing so many things, it's hard to just pick one and stick with it as my mother says. I just feel/ and know that I only live once and I don't want any regrets. I want everyone to know that I am not afraid to fall down and get up again. So here I am, in this new year wiping off the dust starting some things over, improving others. Please bare with me. I am a work in progress.Peace.
posted by Ell Ess @ 9:21 AM 0 comments

Throw ya Hands Up!

2005-09-26T11:43:00.000-07:00

It seems like everyone is just throwing their hands up on this life shit. How is that while we are suppose to endure and perservere, the shit gets more difficult?
I've been reading blogs all day and it seems I am reading the same shit over and over again......EVERYONE REPEAT AFTER ME, "I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT NO MO'!"
Let's make a revolution out of this thing called life. Let's ALL stand up and revolt against tumoil and complication and see where it gets us. I have come up with the 5 point program that will get us started. Feel free to add points as you see fit. Put them in my comments and let's get through this mess.
Here we go:

The next time someone tells you something that is intentionally offensive or blatently not for the purpose of our empowerment, whisper, say out loud, think to yourself or gesture "FUCK YOU". Spin on your heels and never look back.
If there seems to be an impossible fete in our path, we will send a mass email, network with present resources and jump over the hurdle, cuz even if you fall you still fall on the other side of it...lol. Sad but true.
If you feel that some part of your life is lackingk, seek desperately to find something closer to attainability, accomplish that, build your confidence and try again. Don't be ashamed to ask for help!
(Very Important)Re-evaluate your roster. You need to know who is really on your team. I know that many of us are very similar in personality types therefore making it hard for us to cut niggiz off when we need to, cuz it hurts. However, our team isn't big enough for those who don't contribute time and talent. Let go of the dead weight!
(Finally) Cherish your most honest and loving cohorts. They will not let you go down the wrong paths in life without yuckin' your chain, they won't cuz they probably love and respect you too much. If you need chain yuckin' let me know!

I hope this 5 point program gets somebody somewhere right now. I know I will be trying to live by it...in fact im gonna print this off and paste to my forehead and look at it in the mirror every morning when I wake up. Maybe this shit will sink in.

Everyday is a heavy day in battle, soldiers!

peace.

Means to an End

2005-09-20T10:18:00.000-07:00

This post is to openly profess the end of what I knew to be a beautiful relationship. This has been by far the hardest thing I am enduring right now...Picking up my shit and moving on.
I realize that a relationship ending is inevitable, no matter how hard you fight or try, what must be will be. Why it must hurt or cause so much chaos (mentally, physically and emotionally) is unbeknownst to me.
I have always been known as the heartbreaker, the tease and the least likely to want to stay committed as long as I manage to in a relationship, but I really wanted this one to be permanent.
I pride myself in generally being one to accept and press forward but I love this woman. The thought of anyone loving her the way I do is enough to make me want to throw a total B.F. (Bitch Fit)!

How will I get through it...I have no idea. I don't think that entering another relationship would be the ideal thing to do, mostly because it would just be a rebound. I do believe that every next relationship can be and almost is a rebound.
I don't think that cutting this person off is the answer because I would miss her too much. I don't like her right now, but I would miss her nonetheless.
Everyone says that being busy is good but what good is it when she is on my mind almost 24/7?
This shit is torture. I am laughing hysterically as I say that. I feel weak and vulnerable and psycho!
Im tired of getting high, so I keep smoking Newports like a bandit...what the HELL!
I will take any kind of advice, sincere or superficial at this point.

On a funnier note, a women came into my office today and asked me to do her taxes for the new *PHYSICAL year* smh...I wouldn' mind doing her taxes for the new fiscal year, but I didn't bother to tell her that....lol.
.
Going to have a smoke. Holla.
seeking inner Peace. vintage woman.

Staring in the Face of Opposition

2005-08-17T13:04:00.000-07:00

Brothers and Sisters,

Life has taken hold of a strap and is whoppin' my ass! Im going through some thangs right now; surviving but going through it dammit!

I am working out the kinks so forgive me for not being diligent in my blog. Please know that I am reading yours and enjoying them as usual!

I'll be back at it soon. I promise.

Do you miss me?

Who Is Lauryn Hill?

2005-08-05T07:20:00.000-07:00

I was listening to the radio on my way into work this morning and heard some very disturbing information. MC Serch (yep, from 3rd Base) informed the listeners that after the BET awards and a thrilling attempt at a Fugees comeback, Sis. Hill had another nervous break down.

Main Entry: nervous breakdown Function: noun: an attack of mental or emotional disorder especially when of sufficient severity to require hospitalization.

It was said that Praz and Wyclef weren't aware that Lauryn was to perform some solo joints and were a bit agitated behind that seeing as how this whole performance was for the reunification of the Fugee-La. Needless to say, this turned into beef and it was said that Lauryn "broke down and retreated to the dressing room".

This blog is coming to life for two reasons. One is that I never really ever over-admire celebrities, but Lauryn is my lyrical shero! Furthermore, she is my peer and our struggles can be and probably are parallel.
Many of us have seen Lauryn perform recently and ask "what's wrong with her?", "did Wyclef make her crazy?", or "has she fallen off for good?". I know I have posed those same questions, unwilling to believe that my shero (or at least the public image of her) has deteriorated!

The better question is what is going on in her life? What has been going on? Where and when did she realize she couldn't handle the "pressure" for lack of a better term? I am & have been in her shoes. I too have suffered from a nervous breakdown of sorts. My father is still dealing with breakdowns he has had in his teenage years from losing his mother and most recently his brother and only friend. The magnitudes vary and so do the causes. They can be:

1. Pressure (Peer/ Familial/ Job, etc.): 1 a : the burden of physical or mental distress b : the constraint of circumstance : the weight of social or economic imposition2 : the application of force to something by something else in direct contact with it.

Damn.

2. Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome: a psychological reaction occurring after a highly stressing event that is usually characterized by depression, anxiety, flashbacks, recurrent nightmares, and avoidance of reminders of the event.

3. Anxiety: 1 a : painful or apprehensive uneasiness of mind usually over an impending or anticipated ill b : fearful concern or interest c : a cause of anxiety2 : an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physiological signs (as sweating, tension, and increased pulse), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it

It all sounds pretty regular doesn't it? Sounds like something we all go through, but to endure it on a daily basis is another thing. Not knowing or being able to think rationally enough to move yourself through a day is the hardest shit. You would be surprised how many people you pass by on your way to work, sit next to in a restaurant or are related to who are HOLDING ON TO THEIR SANITY BY A THREAD! My girl told me that you never see crazy coming...it sneaks up on you.
* Side note: forgive the un-p.c. word "crazy", her sentiments, not mines.

I don't know what Lauryn is going through in depth but I will make these next statements hoping that some way, some how she might see this blog.

Lauryn, don't let LIFE pull you down. Don't let the expectations of others matter more than your own. The public eye is a wicked one, but the eye of God is so steady. You can't change mistakes made so don't make the mistake and change. Grow. Your children/ family need you whole, so if you only regroup for you and them...FINE, but do it mostly for you. I love you sister. grow/ get strong even though it's okay to be weak sometimes.

Blog Friends, you will never miss your sanity until it's gone. I thank God/ Praise Him, for restoring my sanity and teaching me that I am the epitome of strength and I cannot be moved. If you feel like any of this applies to you or someone you know, lead them to get professional guidance. Don't give up on them and call often!

Have a beautiful weekend and remember...Waste not one single moment of thought upon the unpleasant happenings of the past. You have not a single moment of time to call your own, but you are privileged to ues each moment as it passes by.

Peace.

Putting my ducks in a row.....

2005-08-01T11:15:00.000-07:00

...And ranting is required.
I want to take this time to dedicate this rant to Joe D. This after what I thought was a great phone conversation that was followed up by a vague and uninformative letter.
I want to let you know that I less than appreciate the following actions:

I don't appreciate you getting engaged to another woman and then asking why I wasn't the women you were about to marry.
I don't appreciate you waiting until said engagement to express your feelings for me then causing me to regain the SAME feelings that i worked so hard to move on from. I WAS PERFECTLY HAPPY JUST BEING FRIENDS.
I don't appreciate seeing you again after 5 years, reconnecting in a soulful way and you making me want more from that experience.
I don't AT ALL appreciate being "put on ice" after what I thought was a great visit to Tennessee.
I don't appreciate you suddenly not calling me as frequently as you use to without explanation.
I don't appreciate you not being man enough to confront your issues without me probing you to do so.
I don't appreciate you thinking that you are such a "stand up guy", when really you are shallow in more ways than one.
I don't appreciate you abusing our beautiful past, our friendship and what could've been our future.
I don't appreciate your lack of communication, honesty or sincerity.

But it's cool, cuz what I do appreicate is knowing who you really are and not over investing my time, energy, pussy and love on you. Thanks.

An Easy Monday. Have you ever heard of such a thing?

2005-08-01T10:06:00.000-07:00

This is my view today from my mommie's crib where i'm washing all my clothes! I mean every stitch...lol
Even though I am doing laundry today, this has been the most relaxing weekend I have had in a very long time. I have the Dell in my lap and a digital camera to play around with...this is the life!
I've spent a great deal of time with my family as of late, and thanks to Cee, I realize that I really love it!
My family is very special to me. So much so that I hate moving away because I miss them so and oddly enough they really miss me when i'm not here. Because of this I have considered relocating within the midwest.
After visiting Chicago a couple of times this year, I have decided to make it a prospective home.
It seems that my lease will be over in February. That means I have about 7 months (or less) to make a final decision. Maryland & New York continue to be on the top of my list...my finances may have a different opinion...
On a down note, my cellphone is off. Mostly because I had to pay an unexpected $600 to get my car fixed. Robbing Peter to pay Paul is such a downhill trod. I need a job with a great or good salary and some benefits...sistah's gotta eat, Right?

What Lies Beneath

2005-07-27T09:14:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking on the past lately, and how a lot of the experiences I have had make me apprehensive about moving forward in life. I have learned about myself that it is not so easy to bounce back after failures, rejections and disappointments.
Im not sure where I am suppose to pull the energy from to move on. The church says faith, the hood says its the grind, friends and family say the financial reward...I just can't see that. I can't see the forest for the trees and I feel like such a hypocrite because I will be the first one out here telling folks to follow their dreams, use their talents, be independent; but I don't and won't do that. Even when I know its almost impossible for me to fail.
Insecurity is a BITCH.
I never blogged or do open mic any more because I am not sure of my writing. I haven't cooked a decent meal in days. I haven't catered an event in weeks. I haven't been to school in years. I feel like this world is passing me by and I AM definitely LACKING MOTIVATION. Maybe it's some kind of horrible mid-life/ identity crisis. It seems my friends are doing so much, so well, for so long and enjoying it.
For me, right now, life is like a terrifying roller coaster ride that won't slow down, let alone stop for me to get off and enjoy the scenenarie .
Pray for me, Saints!

My Cousin Uncle Tom

2005-07-25T08:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm shooting straight from the hip today. I got some shit to say and very little time in which I am able to say it.
I want to vent about my Cousin Uncle Tom. Let me give you some side bar info about how my cousin came to be.
This guy marries my mom's first cousin about 16 years ago. He claims to be this big movie director, and uses that consistently as his claim to fame. He has not been involved in a major film since the Blues Brothers...can you all even remember back that far? I barely can!
So anyway, he rides THAT shit til' the wheels fall off and suddenly, no more movie "deals". He moves my cousin (his wife) out to the semi-burbs, you know, right in the middle of hood and richville, and begins this pompous life. Now remember, no "movie deals" so how is he gonna keep this shit up? He shucks and jives for some white folks and comes up on this classic car show opportunity. He becomes H.N.I.C. of that shit (with emphasis on the Nigga).
Currently, I have been unemployed so gracious Cousin Uncle Tom informs me that some other folks "working for him" needed some admin. help. Shit, I'm a hungry ambitious sistah so I took the offer. The sistah that I ended up working with for the majority of the car show prep time has been cool, but working for my Cousin Uncle Tom has been a MUTHAFUCKA!
That pretentious asshole, Cousin Uncle Tom, was consistently rude and disrespectful to me! He, like some of his white cohorts, refused to recognize me in public ( i.e. the other wealthy white folks) unless they were asking me to run an errand. He was just over the top with his shit, knowing that he knows better than to treat ME like that.
Needless to say, I am writing this post for the ASS WHIPPIN' that he deserved from me and didn't get because I know better, unlike him, than to show my whole ass in front of some white folks.
I am writing this for my Cousin Uncle Tom who ain't shit for how he treated me, his staff and anyone else under his thumb.
This is for my Cousin Uncle Tom's wife who he talks to like a child and disrespects on a regular basis and for their daughter who is permitted by her father to disrespect her mother.
My Cousin Uncle Tom is not a man worthy of respect or admiration and futhermore I am glad it rained on his car show for at least 3 hours! Bitch!

The Cruel tutelage of Cee a.k.a Nai a.k.a Felisha

2005-07-24T10:14:00.000-07:00

Due to a tremendous amount of peer pressure and guidance, I have finally started this blog. It will be bland for a short while so be patient as I steadily but surely refine this effort.
I promise to give you candid and honest responses and sincere posts.

I sincerely want to thank Nai for her information sessions about blogging and all that it entails. I want to recognize Keish for ranting in a way that I can relate to in her "late twenties, almost thirty" perspective that almost ALWAYS SENDS ME INTO A HAIL OF HALLELUJAH AND AMENs. Also, I would like to appreciate Kelzz for putting me in check via email about having my own blog.

Finally, I want to send madd love to ALL the Bloggers that showed me love at the CHICAGO meet up and to Keish for being the ULTIMATE HOSTESS! That shit was the shit!

On that note. This is day one...anticipate more to come.

The Pic: VintageWoman in the "GO" at the pier. Didn't we have fun at the Taste yawl?